Most of us have heard Gisele's story. It's a reminder that even men you trust can harm you. Did you know that she went to her doctors for help? A look at how medical misogyny contributed to her abuse.
Gisele is amazing. Her poor daughter too, he claims he didn’t hurt her but he was drugging her too (they suspect) because he had photos of him naked in her bedroom while she was sleeping.
Regarding disabled people being vulnerable to abuse, I learned that if someone threatens to steal your medication or harm your support pet that threat is taken as a legitimate threat if you are a disabled person. I’m not sure that’s applicable in all the states, and they can always choose to ignore legitimate threats like they do anyway, but I didn’t realize it was meant to be specifically harmful to disabled people until it happened to me and I had to seek an order of protection. (Just an FYI in case anyone is concerned they’ll be turned away because “nothing bad happened yet”, that counts as a legitimate threat of bodily harm.)
I read about her son begging his dad to just tell the truth about what he did to his daughter so she can get closure - it made me physically sick. I hope he gets the harshest possible sentence.
Thank you for making sure other disabled people know that those types of threats can be taken seriously even before harm occurs. It’s important to know!
I just wanted to clarify, those threats were made to me but nobody got my meds or my cat. I would have become John Wick and you all would’ve heard about me on the news.
The DARVO response with his crying! (Seriously, not the only takeaway from this wonderful piece. So well done, BBT.) We have to pay attention when people over-respond to something...a smidge different than overreact. The dramatics. The BS-ing. The painting of self as the victim. The gaslighting. And this is not to add another serving of blame to our plates. No. It's another whisper to listen to. People show us all the time who they are. We are polite in excusing too much of that telling behavior. It's worth paying attention to. A little here and there will add up. xo
I completely agree - whenever the response is out of proportion and/or they immediate blame you for asking a fair question - you need to pay attention to what that could possibly mean. His response was disgusting given what we know now.
I'm so proud of Gisele and I really hope her courage helps more women come forward. I just heard that Pete Hegseth has lifted the NDA on the woman who accused him of sexual assault. I want her to tell her story so badly.
It’s so pervasive. Sure, “not all men”, but a helluva lot of them. And then there are their enablers. May they all be told on and all burn. And any man who points the blame at a woman is telling on himself. Pay attention to that.
Gisele is a true hero, and I wish her a truly peaceful, content and joyful life going forward. xo
Have you seen the Telegraph investigation? 70,000 men in group chats were admitting to raping women and swapping tips on how to sedate them. About to post a note about it. 70,000. But sure guys - keep screaming 'not all men' at us.
Justice has been done however justice is in danger of being òverturned due to men found guilty having up to 10 days to appeal. The husband Dominque only given 20 year sentence, 5 received suspended sentence and walked free. Gisele may have to return to Court and have to keep going through it all again. Not harsh nor good enough. The medical people who failed her should be hauled through disciplinary reviews/action too. Gisele is an amazing and incredible woman.
Yes I agree I was shocked that 20 years was the maximum sentence he was eligible for. I sincerely hope they don't appeal - and I believe they all deserved harsher sentences. I'm glad they were at least found guilty and will be tarred with the label 'rapist' for the rest of their lives though.
I'm still waiting and hoping that there's more done with respect to her medical team. Where did the husband get the drugs from? Were they involved? Thoughts like that keep me up at night. Perhaps charges will still be laid or at least severe disciplinary action should be taken to ensure this never happens to another woman in their care.
Just a note about medical misogyny. I've visited some of the most preeminent doctors in the field of pelvic pain. These doctors state as fact that the vast majority of women who suffer from pelvic pain have a history of rape or other sexual abuse. I should note that none of the women I've spoken to were ever asked about this history until they reported pelvic pain.
Our bodies can hold a lot of trauma - I remember when I first started doing yoga I would often cry during any hip opening or pelvic poses. It was like my body was remembering the things that had happened to me.
Yes that's true but people only see a pelvic pain specialist when they have serious pain that has not been diagnosed so blaming past trauma is often used as a way to say "it's all in your head". One doctor reminded me of how the word hysterectomy was derived and how often doctors will just do a hysterectomy when a woman reports pelvic pain.
That’s the opposite of my experience. I had terribly painful periods and bleeding from stage four endometriosis but because I had no children they wouldn’t even consider a hysterectomy. I spent three years needing regular blood and iron transfusions before they finally caved and did the surgery because I was bleeding out in the ER.
I’m not sure where you live but I’ve spoken to hundreds of patients in similar circumstances. Done having children and/or never wanted children and desperate for a hysterectomy - all refused.
Thank you for writing this brilliant piece. There are so many important points here. I hope Gisele knows that millions of women are standing behind her.
Yes! I was so happy to see #MerciGisele trending on social media earlier this week. A true hero and someone who should have been Time's Person of the Year instead of a man found liable for sexual assault.
I suddenly remembered going to do my taxes a few years back. I prepared the files I needed on a USB thumb drive and brought it to H&R Block. Literally nothing on the drive except some PDFs downloaded directly from major financial institutions (my bank, etc). But the CPA wouldn't take it. The company has a flat policy that they aren't allowed to plug anything in to the office computers. Because while most drives people would bring in were safe, there was no way to tell which ones were carrying dangerous malware that might evade security software. It was frustrating, but I realized I couldn't object. The policy made perfect sense. There was just too much risk. They had no choice but to assume every drive was a potential threat and treat it as such.
Beautifully written. And spot on. We all need to stand, shoulder to shoulder, supporting each other in calling out ALL the bullshit in the system. Otherwise it’ll never be safe for women, the disabled, marginalized or BIPOC. Terrifying that in 2024 we’re having to fight even harder for our rights and to be treated fairly.
Thank you for reading. I really hope today’s verdict send a strong message that this behaviour will not be tolerated and that there’s no justification for harming another person in this manner.
It's amazing how I only know about this story because of you. I asked Mom, and she'd heard nothing about it. I record several news shows every weekday and there just hasn't been coverage in the US. BBC News had one segment about it at the end of their half hour, but only on the UK edition of the program. BBC News America (which typically features most of the same stories) said nothing.
Thank you for bringing attention to this. You've made excellent and very important points. As you say, the first step is getting awareness of all this. The number of "good" men who aren't, how that's a legitimate reason to worry about any man because so many seem good and harmless until they aren't, the complicity of so many men who looked away and let it happen, the failures of our medical system... There's so much packed into this article.
I'm sure it was hard to write, too. So thank you for taking the spoons and pushing through the various pains to do that.
It's painful, too, to see, for example, the accusations against Neil Gaiman, who for so long seemed like one of the "good" ones to millions of people. And, of course, the willingness of half the US to vote for Donald Trump. To willingly overlook (among other things) that he was found legally liable for sexual assault (and yet just this week he got a $15 million settlement from ABC News because they correctly reported it as rape), that he bragged about sexually assaulting women on a hot mic, that he bragged about entering the dressing room of the Miss USA pageant he ran, that while his wife was in the hospital with their newborn child he cheated on her with a porn star, that multiple women have come forward to accuse him of doing exactly what he bragged about doing. The US Senate confirmed Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court despite credible allegations, and they were able to overlook those allegations and more because Trump directed the FBI not to look into them and the FBI complied.
We need to do better. We need to change the culture. No more acceptance. No more looking the other way. No more dismissing it as "locker room talk" and "boys will be boys." And especially in the medical professions, where people go to seek care. All of that starts with us saying it out loud.
I’m glad you’re aware of it (and that I was able to put it on your radar) but it’s frustrating how little coverage it’s received in the U.S. and Canada.
Whenever I write about it - it’s always the first time someone is hearing about it.
This case is so awful that we should all be talking about it - because it’s a perfect example of why we push back on the “not all men” narrative. I find it can be hard to explain to guys who are upset about that - but this case makes it easier to explain because it was so many men from ALL walks of life.
Not to mention Trump being elected despite a history of abuse against women and being found liable for sexual assault.
It really is incredible how many people are willing to just look the other way.
Which is why we can’t be silent anymore. We have to force people to look, listen and refuse to be complicit.
Yes, exactly. It can be hard for some men to hear. To feel like they're being subjected to unfair suspicion. But women have too many stories of men who look and act just like the good ones, until they suddenly don't. The only way to make things better is to teach people better. That there are men who will do these horrific things, and there really is no way to tell that you're not one of them. Men who are in positions of trust. And so many more who turn a blind eye to the abuses of other men instead of doing anything to stop it, and are thereby complicit. It happened with Pelicot. It happened with Hadden. It happened with Trump (how long was the Access Hollywood tape just buried in the archives? How many people knew about it?). It happened with Diddy.
Hadden was a respected doctor at an Ivy League school. How much more trusted do you get? But he abused people for decades, and the university covered it up.
That’s exactly it. These stories make men feel uncomfortable because they feel personally targeted, they’re afraid of false accusations etc. Meanwhile we are afraid of actually being raped and assaulted. We ARE being targeted.
All I ask is that instead of talking over us to try and make us believe you’re one of the good ones - you listen and help us fight the rising tide of misogyny.
Meanwhile when I said that on another platform - one of my first comments was a man saying that most men are good and fond of women and I’m the problem. Then he said it was ok and he was “on my side”. Completely proving my point.
Proclaiming yourself one of the good ones isn't a great look, but completely undermining that proclamation with no self-awareness that you're doing so is the icing on the cake. I hope he learns better.
I don't think there's been much coverage of Dr Robert Hadden, either. He was a gynecologist in NYC who, it was recently revealed, had sexually abused hundreds of patients. Sedating them unnecessarily and then fondling them (and who knows what else) while they were out. Performing unnecessary exams. Gaslighting patients into thinking it was all normal. Only when one patient figured it out and came forward did more people people start to question their experiences. And there's no telling how many more patients he abused who never even realized. His staff had to know something was going on, but they never said anything.
I’ve actually been debating writing an article about him as well as the Canadian EDS doctor who was assaulting patients for nearly two decades. Whenever I sit down to write it - I just don’t have the spoons.
These cases don’t receive nearly the amount of press they deserve. In the Canadian case - patients had complained to the hospital and the governing board of physicians for years. Nothing was done until one finally went to the police.
Many were asked why they kept going back (great job blaming the victim)… even though hospital admin knew he was the ONLY doctor willing to treat the condition at the time.
That's... Awful isn't a strong enough word for it. I don't know what is. And who knows how many more are out there who haven't been caught, or who haven't gotten media coverage?
Exactly! It took years for the doctor in Canada to get caught and have the media pay attention - and during that time patients would whisper to one another to be careful. To always bring a man to your appointments. It was one of the best known secrets among the chronic illness community and so it's positively disgusting it took so long for anything to be done about it.
Yikes. I had no idea about this story. France is a beautiful country but is certainly a bit old-school in many areas too. Shocking something like that could happen this day and age for so long with so many people being aware of it and doing nothing.
I agree - and I hope he spends the rest of his life behind bars. Someone who’s capable of such heinous acts will always be a threat to others - and sentencing needs to reflect that reality.
Gisele is amazing. Her poor daughter too, he claims he didn’t hurt her but he was drugging her too (they suspect) because he had photos of him naked in her bedroom while she was sleeping.
Regarding disabled people being vulnerable to abuse, I learned that if someone threatens to steal your medication or harm your support pet that threat is taken as a legitimate threat if you are a disabled person. I’m not sure that’s applicable in all the states, and they can always choose to ignore legitimate threats like they do anyway, but I didn’t realize it was meant to be specifically harmful to disabled people until it happened to me and I had to seek an order of protection. (Just an FYI in case anyone is concerned they’ll be turned away because “nothing bad happened yet”, that counts as a legitimate threat of bodily harm.)
I read about her son begging his dad to just tell the truth about what he did to his daughter so she can get closure - it made me physically sick. I hope he gets the harshest possible sentence.
Thank you for making sure other disabled people know that those types of threats can be taken seriously even before harm occurs. It’s important to know!
I just wanted to clarify, those threats were made to me but nobody got my meds or my cat. I would have become John Wick and you all would’ve heard about me on the news.
This was beautifully written. A beacon of truth.
Thank you. It was a very hard piece to write and I hope Gisele feels our love from around the world.
I also hope it helps provide comfort to anyone who’s been the victim of assault and abuse - it’s so important to know we aren’t alone.
The DARVO response with his crying! (Seriously, not the only takeaway from this wonderful piece. So well done, BBT.) We have to pay attention when people over-respond to something...a smidge different than overreact. The dramatics. The BS-ing. The painting of self as the victim. The gaslighting. And this is not to add another serving of blame to our plates. No. It's another whisper to listen to. People show us all the time who they are. We are polite in excusing too much of that telling behavior. It's worth paying attention to. A little here and there will add up. xo
I completely agree - whenever the response is out of proportion and/or they immediate blame you for asking a fair question - you need to pay attention to what that could possibly mean. His response was disgusting given what we know now.
I'm so proud of Gisele and I really hope her courage helps more women come forward. I just heard that Pete Hegseth has lifted the NDA on the woman who accused him of sexual assault. I want her to tell her story so badly.
It’s so pervasive. Sure, “not all men”, but a helluva lot of them. And then there are their enablers. May they all be told on and all burn. And any man who points the blame at a woman is telling on himself. Pay attention to that.
Gisele is a true hero, and I wish her a truly peaceful, content and joyful life going forward. xo
Have you seen the Telegraph investigation? 70,000 men in group chats were admitting to raping women and swapping tips on how to sedate them. About to post a note about it. 70,000. But sure guys - keep screaming 'not all men' at us.
Justice has been done however justice is in danger of being òverturned due to men found guilty having up to 10 days to appeal. The husband Dominque only given 20 year sentence, 5 received suspended sentence and walked free. Gisele may have to return to Court and have to keep going through it all again. Not harsh nor good enough. The medical people who failed her should be hauled through disciplinary reviews/action too. Gisele is an amazing and incredible woman.
Yes I agree I was shocked that 20 years was the maximum sentence he was eligible for. I sincerely hope they don't appeal - and I believe they all deserved harsher sentences. I'm glad they were at least found guilty and will be tarred with the label 'rapist' for the rest of their lives though.
I'm still waiting and hoping that there's more done with respect to her medical team. Where did the husband get the drugs from? Were they involved? Thoughts like that keep me up at night. Perhaps charges will still be laid or at least severe disciplinary action should be taken to ensure this never happens to another woman in their care.
Just a note about medical misogyny. I've visited some of the most preeminent doctors in the field of pelvic pain. These doctors state as fact that the vast majority of women who suffer from pelvic pain have a history of rape or other sexual abuse. I should note that none of the women I've spoken to were ever asked about this history until they reported pelvic pain.
Our bodies can hold a lot of trauma - I remember when I first started doing yoga I would often cry during any hip opening or pelvic poses. It was like my body was remembering the things that had happened to me.
Yes that's true but people only see a pelvic pain specialist when they have serious pain that has not been diagnosed so blaming past trauma is often used as a way to say "it's all in your head". One doctor reminded me of how the word hysterectomy was derived and how often doctors will just do a hysterectomy when a woman reports pelvic pain.
Yes I absolutely think we need to be careful to ensure doctors don't just blame it on trauma without investigating the source of the pain.
I will say I needed a hysterectomy due to severe disease and had to fight for years to get it - so I'm not sure it's commonly done for pain alone.
I still have my uterus but I'm a rarity among chronic pelvic pain patients. The reason it wasn't suggested to me is because I don't have children.
That’s the opposite of my experience. I had terribly painful periods and bleeding from stage four endometriosis but because I had no children they wouldn’t even consider a hysterectomy. I spent three years needing regular blood and iron transfusions before they finally caved and did the surgery because I was bleeding out in the ER.
I’m not sure where you live but I’ve spoken to hundreds of patients in similar circumstances. Done having children and/or never wanted children and desperate for a hysterectomy - all refused.
Anger, sadness, tears. Thank you for writing.
Thank you for reading. I can only imagine how hard today will be for Gisele - and I really hope the verdicts bring justice and closure.
Thank you for writing this brilliant piece. There are so many important points here. I hope Gisele knows that millions of women are standing behind her.
Thank you for reading it! I agree that I hope she feels our love and support from all over the world. #MerciGisele
Thank you for this article.
Thank you for reading it!
Viva Gisele and her daughter ❤️
Yes! I was so happy to see #MerciGisele trending on social media earlier this week. A true hero and someone who should have been Time's Person of the Year instead of a man found liable for sexual assault.
I suddenly remembered going to do my taxes a few years back. I prepared the files I needed on a USB thumb drive and brought it to H&R Block. Literally nothing on the drive except some PDFs downloaded directly from major financial institutions (my bank, etc). But the CPA wouldn't take it. The company has a flat policy that they aren't allowed to plug anything in to the office computers. Because while most drives people would bring in were safe, there was no way to tell which ones were carrying dangerous malware that might evade security software. It was frustrating, but I realized I couldn't object. The policy made perfect sense. There was just too much risk. They had no choice but to assume every drive was a potential threat and treat it as such.
Beautifully written. And spot on. We all need to stand, shoulder to shoulder, supporting each other in calling out ALL the bullshit in the system. Otherwise it’ll never be safe for women, the disabled, marginalized or BIPOC. Terrifying that in 2024 we’re having to fight even harder for our rights and to be treated fairly.
Thank you for reading. I really hope today’s verdict send a strong message that this behaviour will not be tolerated and that there’s no justification for harming another person in this manner.
It's amazing how I only know about this story because of you. I asked Mom, and she'd heard nothing about it. I record several news shows every weekday and there just hasn't been coverage in the US. BBC News had one segment about it at the end of their half hour, but only on the UK edition of the program. BBC News America (which typically features most of the same stories) said nothing.
Thank you for bringing attention to this. You've made excellent and very important points. As you say, the first step is getting awareness of all this. The number of "good" men who aren't, how that's a legitimate reason to worry about any man because so many seem good and harmless until they aren't, the complicity of so many men who looked away and let it happen, the failures of our medical system... There's so much packed into this article.
I'm sure it was hard to write, too. So thank you for taking the spoons and pushing through the various pains to do that.
It's painful, too, to see, for example, the accusations against Neil Gaiman, who for so long seemed like one of the "good" ones to millions of people. And, of course, the willingness of half the US to vote for Donald Trump. To willingly overlook (among other things) that he was found legally liable for sexual assault (and yet just this week he got a $15 million settlement from ABC News because they correctly reported it as rape), that he bragged about sexually assaulting women on a hot mic, that he bragged about entering the dressing room of the Miss USA pageant he ran, that while his wife was in the hospital with their newborn child he cheated on her with a porn star, that multiple women have come forward to accuse him of doing exactly what he bragged about doing. The US Senate confirmed Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court despite credible allegations, and they were able to overlook those allegations and more because Trump directed the FBI not to look into them and the FBI complied.
We need to do better. We need to change the culture. No more acceptance. No more looking the other way. No more dismissing it as "locker room talk" and "boys will be boys." And especially in the medical professions, where people go to seek care. All of that starts with us saying it out loud.
I’m glad you’re aware of it (and that I was able to put it on your radar) but it’s frustrating how little coverage it’s received in the U.S. and Canada.
Whenever I write about it - it’s always the first time someone is hearing about it.
This case is so awful that we should all be talking about it - because it’s a perfect example of why we push back on the “not all men” narrative. I find it can be hard to explain to guys who are upset about that - but this case makes it easier to explain because it was so many men from ALL walks of life.
Not to mention Trump being elected despite a history of abuse against women and being found liable for sexual assault.
It really is incredible how many people are willing to just look the other way.
Which is why we can’t be silent anymore. We have to force people to look, listen and refuse to be complicit.
Yes, exactly. It can be hard for some men to hear. To feel like they're being subjected to unfair suspicion. But women have too many stories of men who look and act just like the good ones, until they suddenly don't. The only way to make things better is to teach people better. That there are men who will do these horrific things, and there really is no way to tell that you're not one of them. Men who are in positions of trust. And so many more who turn a blind eye to the abuses of other men instead of doing anything to stop it, and are thereby complicit. It happened with Pelicot. It happened with Hadden. It happened with Trump (how long was the Access Hollywood tape just buried in the archives? How many people knew about it?). It happened with Diddy.
Hadden was a respected doctor at an Ivy League school. How much more trusted do you get? But he abused people for decades, and the university covered it up.
https://www.propublica.org/article/columbia-obgyn-sexually-assaulted-patients-for-20-years
Society needs to do better. Men need to do better. The medical profession needs to do better. We have to teach people better.
That’s exactly it. These stories make men feel uncomfortable because they feel personally targeted, they’re afraid of false accusations etc. Meanwhile we are afraid of actually being raped and assaulted. We ARE being targeted.
All I ask is that instead of talking over us to try and make us believe you’re one of the good ones - you listen and help us fight the rising tide of misogyny.
Meanwhile when I said that on another platform - one of my first comments was a man saying that most men are good and fond of women and I’m the problem. Then he said it was ok and he was “on my side”. Completely proving my point.
Proclaiming yourself one of the good ones isn't a great look, but completely undermining that proclamation with no self-awareness that you're doing so is the icing on the cake. I hope he learns better.
I don't think there's been much coverage of Dr Robert Hadden, either. He was a gynecologist in NYC who, it was recently revealed, had sexually abused hundreds of patients. Sedating them unnecessarily and then fondling them (and who knows what else) while they were out. Performing unnecessary exams. Gaslighting patients into thinking it was all normal. Only when one patient figured it out and came forward did more people people start to question their experiences. And there's no telling how many more patients he abused who never even realized. His staff had to know something was going on, but they never said anything.
I’ve actually been debating writing an article about him as well as the Canadian EDS doctor who was assaulting patients for nearly two decades. Whenever I sit down to write it - I just don’t have the spoons.
These cases don’t receive nearly the amount of press they deserve. In the Canadian case - patients had complained to the hospital and the governing board of physicians for years. Nothing was done until one finally went to the police.
Many were asked why they kept going back (great job blaming the victim)… even though hospital admin knew he was the ONLY doctor willing to treat the condition at the time.
I don’t think I’ve heard of this Canadian doctor - what is his name?
Dr Gordon. Here's an article. I believe he was found not guilty which makes writing about it more challenging:https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/toronto-neurologist-charged-with-14-new-charges-of-sexual-assault/article_a8a93b89-7a54-565d-a0ec-abe2d557c5b9.html
That's... Awful isn't a strong enough word for it. I don't know what is. And who knows how many more are out there who haven't been caught, or who haven't gotten media coverage?
Exactly! It took years for the doctor in Canada to get caught and have the media pay attention - and during that time patients would whisper to one another to be careful. To always bring a man to your appointments. It was one of the best known secrets among the chronic illness community and so it's positively disgusting it took so long for anything to be done about it.
Yikes. I had no idea about this story. France is a beautiful country but is certainly a bit old-school in many areas too. Shocking something like that could happen this day and age for so long with so many people being aware of it and doing nothing.
The fact that so many people knew and said nothing is something that keeps me up at night.
These men believed they were doing the “right thing” by not participating - yet they looked the other way.
As a society we have a duty to protect one another - and I wish someone had tried to protect Gisele.
Her "husband" is the epitome of evil and the other "men" are devil's followers - horrible tragedy - Bob
I agree - and I hope he spends the rest of his life behind bars. Someone who’s capable of such heinous acts will always be a threat to others - and sentencing needs to reflect that reality.
https://federicosotodelalba.substack.com/p/drugs?r=4up0lp